How do you guys think of this poem? and how to make it better? - boat wind block
Iceland Green Serenade
这绿岛像一只船like a boat, oh, the green island
在月夜里摇呀摇In the moonlight, this influence, domination and control
情郎哟你也在我的心坎里飘呀飘my heart, O my friend, he machine without a license
让我的歌声随那微风Oh, the wind, please take my singging
吹开了你的窗帘parts of your curtain
让我的衷情随那流水Oh, swim, please give my love
不断的向你倾诉pours his heart
椰子树的长影Palmera casts a shadow
掩不住我的情意But I can not block
明媚的月光更照亮了我的心Moonlight illuminated my heart
这绿岛的夜已经这样沉静Oh, the silent night is the green island
情郎哟你为什么还是默默无语Oh, my friend, why are you still in the peace and quiet
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Boat Wind Block How Do You Guys Think Of This Poem? And How To Make It Better?
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3 comments:
Well ... I tend to see a few poems, is left to the imagination ... and would not change, his poem for simplicity. I enjoyed the first five rows, but lost the sixth row umff. Perhaps because the story of a third person to first person. Change, if they experience to some.
Well ... I tend to see a few poems, is left to the imagination ... and would not change, his poem for simplicity. I enjoyed the first five rows, but lost the sixth row umff. Perhaps because the story of a third person to first person. Change, if they experience to some.
You need to give themselves using different words to talk about clarity and their line, more properly, too. I have an idea what you mean. Writing a poem is like a letter to write. You need to be written, easy to understand.
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